Thinking back on Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts and Chris Kraus, I Love Dick. They are both versions of Nelson's "autotheory," using theory as a tool of personal self-interrogation, using others’ reasoning as punctuation, explication, and nuance in one's own story. I want very much to fold this beautiful theoretically-infused form of self-representation into my writing. I see now how this is exactly… Continue reading The Freedom of Uselessness
I have been making a daily schedule to try to force myself into discipline. It’s sort of working. I think that if I just keep at it, slowly I will build a daily structure, and suddenly my future, the second half of my life, doesn’t look so confusing, foggy, possibly pointless, floating. The prospect of… Continue reading The Floating Future
I am lying in the warm bed, waiting for sleep. I can’t keep my eyes closed. The orange slash of hallway light rims the door like a bracket; the sound of night-street noises grates and groans just outside the high window. What do heavy trucks do at night in a quiet neighborhood, except act as… Continue reading Where do I go in sleep?